Dear DDR Man - Christmas Edition Part 1 of 3

People always ask me, Hey Dear DDR Man, what did you do before this. Well, before this I used to work for a company who handled mail sent in from little kids writing to Santa Claus. I was one of the guys who would reply to the letters. I only had the job for a couple of weeks, and then I got fired. To this day I'm not sure why, but i had some of them save and I thought I would share them with you. So here you go:

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer
Frend, BiLLy


Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your
older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! 
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and
joy in the world for everybody!  Love, Sarah


Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? 
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.  Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. 
Santa

So that wraps up the first segment of our Dear DDR Man Christmas feature. I really miss that  job. I am really good with the kids. I have no idea why I got fired. Well, thats all for now. See you next week.

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