Dear DDR Man - Christmas Edition Part 2 of 3

People always ask me, Hey Dear DDR Man, what did you do before this. Well, before this I used to work for a company who handled mail sent in from little kids writing to Santa Claus. I was one of the guys who would reply to the letters. I only had the job for a couple of weeks, and then I got fired. To this day I'm not sure why, but i had some of them save and I thought I would share them with you. So here you go:


Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys?  Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly
and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the
craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa


Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?  Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
skipping your house.  Santa


Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?  Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.  Santa


Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the
burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa

I hope you enjoyed this installment of Dear DDR Man.

I want to wish everyone a great holiday and a happy new year.

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